But apparently I nag him (according to him, of course…no, who am I kidding, it’s often true).  I’ll remember things for him and remind him to do them.  Constantly out of my mouth is, “Did you…?” or “Don’t forget to…”  In my heart, I’m just trying to help, but he hears it as if I think he’s not capable, which of course translates for him into disrespect.  Not good.

Time and time again, he tells me how effective encouragement is, but I can’t seem to remember to praise him when he does follow through and to remind him of his strengths.  To me those are more of the norm and the lack of follow-through and the weaknesses are what stick out.

Finances are drained, Daniel’s work is slow, and so his whole esteem is bruised by his circumstances and inability to fix them.  But as I was thinking this morning of how proud I was of him for meeting with a client way out of his league, I started to realize that he has incredible amounts of courage.  And then I started to remember little things that lately have made me feel very loved like the fact that he noticed and signed the thank you card I left out for him and that he noticed and read the mail that I left out for him.  Normally, he comes home with his brain shut off as much as possible because work is so draining.  But these past few weeks, he’s been able to leave some of that exhaustion at the door and be present with me at home.  I also noticed that his prayers have grown more vulnerable and intentional.

I started crying (normal for me) because I was so overwhelmed by Daniel’s strengths and growth that I normally overlook.  I was so grateful that God showed me specific ways that He was working in Daniel through these current circumstances.  And it dawned on me that Daniel probably did not see them in himself.  How can any of us ever clearly grasp the situation when we are in the eye of the storm?  So I wrote him a note.  Well, it started as a note, but then I wrote front and back too on a separate sheet that I folded inside the card; it was a note to remind him of his strengths, to affirm him in his areas of growth, and, mostly, to assure him that I love him as he is.

I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner.  I want to call every wife I know and tell her that her husband needs a love note!  So I think I’ll start here on this blog. Wives, if you are reading this, write your husband a love note.  If you don’t know what to write, pray that God opens your eyes to see your husband’s gifts.  If you feel comfortable, let me know how it goes and let me know if you need me to pray for you in the process.